I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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