That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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