just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
