Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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