Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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