so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
