my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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