So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
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