Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
