And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
