if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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