Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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