apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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