I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
