We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
