and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
