man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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