I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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