Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
