it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
