I think im going to throw up on grandma
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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