im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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