I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
