if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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