I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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