I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
