Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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