I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize