you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
