Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
