whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
