Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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