I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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