I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
