I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
