but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
one might say we're banned from that church
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
