I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
