Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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