You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i will never coherently bang her
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
