If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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