i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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