Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize