So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
