Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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