last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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