Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My vagina just clenched in fear
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
