so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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