I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
