If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
