he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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