yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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