STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Sorry my hands just texted you
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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