don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
