I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
