i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
