what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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