Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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