oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
