everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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