Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
false alarm. still invincible.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
