I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My bed smells like the plague
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
