we're blogging at a bar
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
