mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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