You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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