i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize