Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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