ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
