Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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