Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
