someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
4 words: hood of his car
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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