how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
