He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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