My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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