no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
