You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
